I Want to Feel Alive

I've been wondering
I've been listening
Am I still living?
Is this still breathing?


I've always felt weak
My true self I seek
Hold my hand
I want to take my stand


I've been through so much
Felt lonely so much
Trapped in my own cage
Been feeling so strange


I'm calling you
Make me new
My faith's with you
I want to feel new


I want to feel alive
I want to break free from myself
I want to be me again
Instead of this soulless mannequin
Together let's pray
And take me far away


Make me feel loved again
Take me back to heaven
I want to leave myself behind
And rise with a new mind


Take my hand
Help me stand
Paint a smile
In my life
Stay by me
Never leave
You are my last hope




I want to feel alive
I want to break free from myself
I want to be me again
Instead of this soulless mannequin
Together let's pray
And take me far away


Take me far away where I'll never see
Whatever atrocities I did to me
Make me see the dawn of a new light
Join me in my brand new fight

Streak of Light

Hello, shooting star
A small streak of light
In the gloomy night
Take me somewhere far


Hiya, tiny light
Where are you going?
In here it's boring
C'mon, take my life


When will you be back
I've been out of luck
Wish you could take me
Far beyond the sea
Where no one can see


Hey, you bright specter
Why are you happy?
Why are you so free?
Write me a letter


Hola, estrella
Please take me with you
Anywhere will do
Take me away now


Wish you could
Give me back my smile
Give me back my life
Tell me how to
Be a better man
Be not who I am


All hope has left me
Love has forsaken me
Oh please let me see
What life has for me


Wish you could
Give me back my smile
Give me back my life
Tell me how to
Be a better man
Be not who I am


Turn not a deaf ear to me
Hear my weak but solemn plea


Take me away where I could live
Make me smile so I'll believe

Streak of Light

Mortal Enemy

I am plagued by myself
My own reflection threatens me
My very existence crumbles inward
Save me from my self-destruction drive


I am a monster itching to come out
My soul is a timebomb; ticking my sanity away
My shadow smirks behind me; breathing words of hatred
Reach out your hand for me


I am a prison of sorts
My heart crammed full of sorrows and pain
My mind filled with unanswered questions
Hand me the key; free me from myself


I am a fearsome weapon
My hands bring forth messages of pain
My thought causes lives to shatter
Disarm me; release me from my curse


I am a potent poison
My blood smells like sulfur; it tastes like Death
My fluids burn through life like acid
Neutralize me; I'm a threat to myself


I am my mortal enemy
My own bitter deadly foe
My last hope is myself
Leave me be; lest you be harmed as well

Embrace the Madness

Come hither, my son!
All love has been gone
You now need to run--
Run to the dark sun!

I've waited for you
From the oceans blue
To dark avenues
To have your eyes sewn!

You are weary, boy
To them you're a toy
A part of their ploy
And left you no joy

How cruel were they--
Tools in a mad play.
Join not their weak fray
Pray hard, my boy. PRAY!

Love was but a trick
Joys turned to be sick
Spent you like a wick
And broke your life's stick!

A stone you must be
Heart that cannot feel
Frozen yet so free
Take them all numbly!

Rise up, seek vengeance
Long was your penance
Wake up from your trance
With Death must they dance!

Here is my needle
Prick their hard mettle
Prepare your saddle
Ride on to battle!

Take my poisoned sword
Be cold like a fjord
Be harsh in your word
You are their true lord!

Share my boiling hate!
Murder their bright fate!
Forget your dear mate,
She hath loved to hate!

Burnt is your bright face
Here, take my black lace
Use my fat spiked mace
Proclaim your dead voice!

I Await Her

Forever I shall now sleep
In heaven I shall forever weep


By death we were separated
From our fears we were liberated


But I will wait for her
Even if it takes my remaining forever


Rest I will not
Far beyond after my flesh had rot


I shall find you in your solace
And together we will burn in the holy furnace


For I have spent my earth loving you
So shall I spend my eternity the same way too


For you are the greatest mystery
You are my solemn love story


No mortal words could convey
Nor ethereal words could say


How much I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you, I love you


I have nothing more to lose
For a long time ago, it was you I chose


For I can never rest gently
Without feeling your love fully


I promise thee I shall linger
Until my poor soul put a ring on your surreal finger.

To My Beautiful Illusion

She came to me one day
And I wanted her to stay--
Stay until my last day


She was my illusion realized
My soul was energized
And all the beauty in the world I realized.


The fount of my happiness
The reservoir of my sadness
Destroyer of my madness


She is my beloved light;
My source of might
And for her I would fight.


For she was something too lovely
If only; if only
I could hold her softly


Never would I let go
For I love you so
This you should know.

The Second Apparition

And she appeared before me
Her breath swept me
She stood still for me to see
And held out her hand for me


How she seemed real
Her face I did feel
My heart she really did steal
Then she became unreal


She then drove a dagger deep
The blade in my heart did seep
And she put me into a cruel sleep
And she left me no space to weep


I am a lost wanderer
She was my heart's murderer
Too much was my love for her
And I loved her a thousand times over


Farewell to thee, surreal maiden
To love I am now forbidden
With grief I am stricken
Like glass, I am molten


I am now devoid of sadness
I am now out of my madness
For now I embrace the darkness
And in my grave I savor happiness.

Inside Me

Beating fast, beating hard
Could it just be my heart?


Breathing in, breathing out
A life of its own?


Pushing out, tearing apart
IT IS ALIVE!


Creeping from out of my chest
Darkness its real manifest


I feel it squirm so cruelly
Amplify my agony


Clawing in from under my skin
I FEEL PAIN!


Nobody hears my ordeal
Nobody knows what I feel
I feel a demon leaking from inside me
Spilling blood for me to see
Agony, mutiny, blasphemy
Can't stop this horrid alchemy
It's claiming me from within
It's nothing I've ever seen


Mutilate me
Never would you accept me


Faster, faster
You'll never kill me, bastard


Scream, scream!
THIS IS MORE THAN JUST A DREAM!


Feel me, feel me
You would never feel how I slowly kill thee


Wretched mortal
You were never an immortal


I am now your master
Come to me, JUST A LITTLE BIT CLOSER!


Nobody hears my ordeal
Nobody knows what I feel
I feel a demon leaking from inside me
Spilling blood for me to see
Agony, mutiny, blasphemy
Can't stop this horrid alchemy
It's claiming me from within
This battle I shall win!


And now the time has come
For us to feel numb


"Away foul creature
Expel from my features!"


"Fool, you really are
Banish me, you are very far!"


"You will never win,
Creature of malign!"


And a light came shining
Along with golden lightning


And the demon screamed and wailed
As he saw his mission failed


"Never would you conquer me,
For I have His power with me!"


"Return, I shall
To destroy you and see you fall!"


"Return to whence you came from
In the eternal fiery storm


And there you shall remain
Until your soul you have regained"

The Sad Clown

He paints his face white and his lips red.
He tussles his hair as though dead.
He puts on pants so colorful.
He makes his face so delightful.


Did you ever ask what he really felt?
Do you ever wonder what is held within his belt?
Did you ever thank him for giving you a snicker or two?
Was he ever important to you?


Part the day, and he takes the facade away
He kneels, and to God he will pray
"Lord, help me!" he asked above.
"Lord, I hunger for real love,"


But he was unanswered and his smile slowly vanished.
Everyday his paint diminished.
Slowly the circus moved away
Leaving him alone and astray.


Everything was taken from him.
As he watched the tent go dim,
He knelt down and prayed once more:
"Lord, help me and my heart so sore,"


A tear fell from his eye;
And from his heart came a heavy sigh--
Why did he not appreciate those little laughs
And those tiny twinkling eyes?


For within those children, he felt a little love.
And this he held in regret in his heart
Until he passed away-- sad and alone.

Do Not Forget Your Flowers

And the sun did set for you
But why now?
Why now, on this beautiful summer day?
You left to play with the daisies
While we waited for you in vain
Never did we notice
That you did not find daisies;
But you found a fly-trap.


Yes, you were shunned by the children
And you smashed a bottle on their heads.
And they laughed on us both.
We never noticed the sun;
Nor did we the freckled moon.
We were just having some fucking fun.
Fun, some nonsense and anything.
And you tell me you're dead already?


Together, we were jesters and
They all laughed at us,
But we laughed at them harder.
You taught me lessons I need not
And I thank thee for that.
You instructed me to be a fool,
Maybe I'll thank you later for that.
Thank you, Oh wise fool.


Tonight I leave you our last prank
Tonight I leave you white flowers
Tonight I bid farewell to thee, great jest
Tonight I shall see you no more
Tonight you sleep soundly
Tonight you won't forget your flowers.
Tonight you remain in our forever.
Farewell, my stupid friend.


RIP Ronald Bercasio Labadlabad March 14, 1987-June 23, 2009

My Beautiful Illusion

You were just an illusion
A figment of my mad isolation
Made to break concentration


I taught myself to love you
You're a mist--that I knew
But I didn't know what to do.


And you came to me
Came to me softly
Oh, how I loved thee!


Yours was a visage of grace
But let me touch thy face
And my wit you shall erase.


But real, you are not
Yet you mean a lot
Remember you, I should not.


Alas, but I did love you.
I knew I did and I still do.
Yet I am cursed to forget you.


Farewell, my dream maiden,
And you shall be forgotten.
Nothing more but a dark raven.

The Lonely Immortal

Pity, pity on me;
Weak and pathetic creature I am.
Put my hand in the beast's mouth,
Only to drag the bloody mush back to me.
Woe, o woe to me, I who have fallen before the Master.
I yearn for Him, yet shame tears me away.
Shall redemption return to me still?


Shame, shame on me;
I am filled with shame.
For eons I roam this world,
And yet Death himself loathes me.
I have seen wars start and end.
I have seen countless deaths.
Yet I have not seen my own salvation.


Save me, oh save me.
Whoever you are listening to my piteous cries.
Heed my cries and listen to them well.
Taste my eternal tears and you will know.
This noose is killing me, set me free.
I am immortal, yet I am dying everyday.
Redemption, oh redemption, come to me quick.